


don't think about the splash i will create

by raewastaken (IWriteLove)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 10:17:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4518066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWriteLove/pseuds/raewastaken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sounds of groans and pounding on wood woke up him that morning, and part of Ray wished for a vague moment between sleep and waking up, that it was just his neighbors the next apartment over getting too hot and heavy for how early in the day it was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	don't think about the splash i will create

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> loosely based on [fullunadulteratedart's](http://fullunadulteratedart.tumblr.com/) joelay zombie au oops  
> im really sorry im in just as much pain

The sounds of groans and pounding on wood woke up him that morning, and part of Ray wished for a vague moment between sleep and waking up, that it was just his neighbors the next apartment over getting too hot and heavy for how early in the day it was. 

He spent a moment, thinking about how that's what it used to be, how happy he was before all this happened, watching his breath puff up hot into the air, before there was a gentle click of a tongue, and he slowly sat up, his muscles and bones protesting the movement, looking over to his companion who was packing away their things into their backpacks in the early morning light. There was a crash of something falling over and he jolted, before there was backpack thrown into his arms. “We gotta get going,” the taller man said in a hushed, frantic voice. Ray crinkled his face up a little, standing up and putting his backpack on, before following the man out through the back way of the house they had holed themselves into for the night.

The early morning sunshine was filtering through the trees from the horizon, casting long, dark shapes across the ground and building, and Ray shivered as they crossed the snowy backyard, before hauling themselves up over the wooden fence and landing on the other side with softened crunches. 

“Where did they all come from, Joel?” Ray asked quietly, holding his arms to his chest and shivering. It was going to be cold like this until the sun rose and they felt comfortable to try and stop to warm up, and he honestly would have taken trying to do this in the summer at this point. “They weren’t there last night…”

Joel hummed, his breath passing by Ray as a cloud, before it disappeared into the freezing air around them. “I don’t know…” he mumbled quietly. Ray eyed the baseball bat he always carried in his hand, how his fingers tightened around it at the conversation. “But I’m glad we got out of there without much problem.”

Ray went quiet, pulling the hood up on his hoodie and stuffing his hands into the pocket on the front, running his fingers over the cool metal of his switchblade. He hated having to carry around something like that, but he didn't see any other choice; it was life or death now, his comfort zones be damned. He just hoped he never had to use it. He wished Joel didn't have to swing that baseball bat he carried, but it was too late for that; Joel had already used that baseball one too many times for Ray's liking, mostly to protect Ray himself, which only added to his increasingly exhaustion with the world. He hated feeling so defenseless.

He stopped when he heard Joel's boots slow against the snow, looking up from where he had trained his eyes on his shoes. Joel was looking back at him, a grimace on his face and Ray's stomach bottomed out. "What?" he asked.

"You're quiet," Joel said, his eyes looking over Ray.

"I'm tired," he shot back, voice bitter. Joel recoiled a bit, the grimace falling. He wasn't lying, but he knew Joel wouldn't know what he was really talking about. "I didn't exactly get the best awakening. I just need some time to wake up."

It was Joel's turn to fall silent, turning back and continuing to walk, only glancing back to make sure Ray was following, which he did after a few moments of silent contemplation.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

 

Hours seemed to pass before they finally stopped to rest. It had started to snow again in the middle of the day, piling up around their feet and making their trek through the wooded areas harder than before. Ray had never remembered it snowing in Austin before, but he'd be damned if this wasn't the time for the weather to freak out and make their lives just that much more difficult. Joel left Ray shivering out in the snow as he checked the inside of a small highway rest stop, before coming back out and motioning for the all clear. Ray could see a few stumbling figures in the distance, slowed down by the cold, which made him sigh in relief, before following Joel inside the small building, shivering and holding his arms closer. "How long are we resting?" he asked, looking up at the dark haired man. He had taken the silence of the past few hours to wake himself up more, although the overwhelming exhaustion seemed to way on his chest more than he'd care to admit. 

"Just a few hours," Joel said, kneeling down and putting down some old newspapers he kept wadded up at the bottom of his backpack. Ray caught a glimpse of the front page headline; "New Virus Kills Hundreds Overnight". That must have been the days before the outbreak. "My body isn't what it used to be, and it's getting too cold out there to keep going without spending some time to warm up."

Ray moved to sit down where Joel was trying to start a fire, arms around himself and eyes watching the matches kindle against the newspaper, little orange crackles of flame burning the edges, before Joel started putting small branches he had collected during their journey. "That sounds nice," he said, trying to keep the conversation going, at least, to keep the thoughts from his head. He didn't know how to talk to Joel, though, even back before the outbreak. They worked in two different departments at Rooster Teeth, and when they did talk, it was often short and far between, or awkward and neither of them brought it up much after that. Although it had been months since it seemed like his biggest issue was trying to start small talk with the older man, he still felt that familiar churn in his stomach at the idea of talking to Joel. Maybe somethings just didn't change for him. He wished that one did.

"Yeah," Joel said simply, and Ray's heart fell at how the conversation dropped with that, moving his legs up to his chest so he could hold them, resting his head on his knees and watching the fire consume the paper in front of him. For a moment, he thought about what it'd feel like to push his hand into the flames and let it take him, before he looked up at the sound of Joel's voice. "Do you want something to eat?" he asked him, holding out an energy bar to him, a small smile on his face. "Your stomach is growling."

"Oh," Ray said quietly. He hadn't even noticed. He nodded, before taking the snack from him with an even smaller, weaker smile. He couldn't bring himself to much more than that. "Thanks, Joel."

Joel nodded back. "No problem," he said, before they fell back into silence. Ray sighed to himself, opening the package for the energy bar and starting to take bites out of it, watching the fire as he ate.

He wished everything could have gone back to normal; at least before he didn't feel as bad as this. Time seemed to go by slower and slower by the day, and every morning when he pulled himself off of the floor where he had been sleeping, his bones and muscles ached more than the day before. His brain seemed to be in a constant state of buzzing, numbing fuzz that felt like cotton clouding his thoughts, until the bad ones started, then its all he thought about. He was bad before, he knew he was; more than once Michael had to come over at Burnie's request on work days to see if he was okay because he was almost two hours late to work, only to find him curled up in bed with dark curtains drawn over the windows and staring blankly at his wall. But however bad he had been before, it felt like nothing to how bad he was now, in such high stress situations and positions, barely having time to sit and calm himself down, or find something to take his mind off of whatever self-destructive thoughts popped up in his head. If he could hold a conversation with Joel, he knew it would be easier to keep his head at least a bit more clear, but Joel was hard to talk to, and he couldn't block things out with his DS anymore (that died a month into the outbreak, as hard as Ray tried to keep a charge on it), so he was stuck in a constant cycle of bad thoughts that drained more and more energy from him the longer it went on. 

Ray just wanted his head back on straight, or for everything to go back to the way it was before, or, to an even worse extreme, he wished that maybe he just wasn't here. His eyes narrowed at the thought, holding his legs closer and taking another tiny bite of his energy bar. He felt Joel's eyes on him, but he ignored them, before re-wrapping the partially eaten bar and setting it to the side. "I'm taking a nap," he said quietly, almost silently, before turning away from Joel and the fire, curling up on the ground and trying to will away the tears as he fell asleep.

* * *

 

Days later, and it felt like they were still no more closer.

Joel had started rambling to Ray about what they were really doing wandering around the Austin area with no clear directive; he was under the impression he'd find the rest of the Rooster Teeth company somewhere, holed up in an old building and making a thriving community of survivors themselves. He never pegged Joel for an optimist, but when Joel finally told Ray about it, his eyes seemed to brighten up in a way Ray hadn't seen in forever. He truly believed that they could find Burnie and the rest somewhere in Austin, if they just looked hard enough.

Ray didn't have the energy to tell him it was a fool's errand, that they were just going to get killed running around in Austin looking for something that probably didn't exist. It was almost refreshing to see something so full of hope against all the death and pain he saw every waking moment of his life, but he knew it was false hope. Burnie and the others were dead, just like anyone else they knew from before, and trying to look for them was just going to get them killed. Part of him wanted Joel to just stop, to call it off and let them find somewhere to hole up for themselves, but the other part of him, the part of him that wanted nothing to do with this planet and this life anymore, wanted Joel to keep going, because he knew it'd lead to his death.

He ended up keeping all his thoughts to himself, in the end, following Joel quietly through streets they both knew like the backs of their hands, streets they used to meets friends on and lived their lives on, but now where cold and empty. They were going in circles for weeks, stopping in abandoned restaurants and office buildings, scavenging for supplies and more clothes to replace their soaked, dirty ones, once it got to that point. Ray's energy level was falling even lower, Joel having to physically help him up in the morning, more often than not. He couldn't physically do this anymore, he thought, following behind Joel slower than normal, his legs dragging him along. Joel said something in front of him and he glanced up, looking up at him as he turned to look at him. "Ray?" he called back, slightly louder. Ray caught up, smiling weakly. "Are you alright?"

"Y-Yeah," Ray managed to bring himself to say. He didn't need to bring Joel down with this. "I'm okay. Just cold. Let's keep going."

Joel frowned, before nodding and turning, walking a bit slower so Ray could keep up, and Ray thought for a moment that if the world wasn't ending, Joel would have been a good boyfriend for him, had he had enough guts to tell him his feelings. He couldn't bring himself to say anything now, and he wasn't sure that churning in his stomach whenever his and Joel's eyes met was even the same feeling he had before. Nothing felt the same as it did before. "Let's stop in here, okay?" he asked Ray, motioning to a building to their right. 

Ray nodded when Joel looked back at him, stopping outside of it while Joel went in, kicking at the melting snow and sighing. He went quiet, before hearing a whimpering in an alleyway around the corner. He quietly headed over to find out what it was, taking out his switchblade and holding it in his hand, peeking around the corner. He saw what looked like a dog laying in the alley, whimpering and twitching, and Ray frowned, heading over to it quietly, clicking his tongue to get its attention. "Hey puppy," he said quietly, stepping slowly toward it. The noises stopped. "Hey buddy..."

His blood ran cold at the growl immediately after, and he backed up. The light came in just enough for Ray to see the large chunk missing from the dog's rib cage, the bones visible against the taunt skin, clumps of fur missing. Ray held his blade out as the infected dog charged him, and he screamed as he was tackled, trying to push it off of him, pushing his blade against it every way he could as it's mouth got closer to his neck. He heard Joel's frantic footsteps, rushing out and yelling his name, before taking the baseball bat and slamming it against the dog's head. There was a sickening crack, before the dog fell of Ray limp, and Ray panted where he laid, before he felt Joel's hands helping him up. "Ray, Ray are you okay?" he asked quickly. "There's blood, is this yours?"

Ray came back around, before shaking his head. "N-Not mine," he stuttered, looking up at Ray. He tried pulling his thoughts together. He didn't want to break down. Not now. "I'm okay, I'm fine. C-Can we just... Rest now?"  
Joel looked over him, before nodding. "Yeah, let's head in," he said, heading into the building while Ray followed him in, hands shaking.

That night, after Joel was asleep, and the shaking in Ray's hands had calmed down, he got up from where he had Joel had set up their camp, heading over to the small restroom and going in. He took the flashlight he kept out of his backpack, turning it on and situating it to light up the bathroom enough for him to see. He looked at himself in the mirror, wiping at the dried blood on his face and glasses, before pulling his hoodie back from where his shoulder and neck met, eyes clouding over as he stared at the dog shaped bite mark in his skin.

* * *

 

A few days later, he felt like he was burning alive.

Ray's entire body was trapped in shivers, teeth chattering as he panted out weakly, holding his arms to his chest. When Joel had finally woken up that morning, he played it off as the flu, or a cold he caught, something that kept Joel from the truth, watching as the older man offered to go out and find him something to help. "You don't have to," Ray said weakly, eyes half open and barely focusing on the blur of the man in front of him. He had gotten worse and worse faster and faster, and he wasn't sure how to tell him. Joel almost depended on having somewhere there with him, to share this crazy dream he had, and Ray didn't want to ruin that for him. He'd have to find a gun and end it himself. He didn't want to have to make Joel to do that.

After Joel left, he felt the time blur together, his vision out of focus and fuzzy, but when he saw Joel came back, he heard a loud curse from the older man's mouth, a clatter of some kind of pill bottle and a frantic pulling at his hoodie. Ray's focus came back quick at that, and he pulled away, shaking his head. "J-Joel stop," he said.

"You're bit!" Joel said, his voice shaking and raising in tone, and Ray felt the stone bottom out into his stomach. "You're fucking bit, Ray!"

"I-I'm fine, I'm fine," Ray said quickly, shaking his head. "P-Please, I'm okay."

"You know what happens when you're bit, why did you hide this from me!"

Ray felt the world coming down around him, eyes blurring again, but with tears. "B-Because I'm okay-"

"You're not okay!"

Ray went silent, tears falling down his face as Joel scrambled up, moving away from him with his hands in his hair. "J-Joel..."

"Ray, I-" his voice was strained, and Ray let out a soft sob. "I can't... do this Ray..."

"P-Please, I'm okay... Joel, don't leave m-me..." he sobbed, his ears rinigng as his head spun. "D-Don't leave me alone..." he trailed off, before his vision went black and he fell back against the ground.

When he woke back up a few hours later, Joel and Joel's backpack were gone, and Ray was alone.

* * *

 

_Months._

_Had it been months?_

His feet drug against the ground as he walked, his mind mostly blank, except for one face; dark hair, dark eyes, a smile that made his heart feel like it was going to burst from his chest.

_Maybe it had been days?_

_Did he even know?_

He let out a noise as he walked, glancing around as he did. His body felt heavy, but part of him didn't feel it at all. He didn't feel anything at all.

_Weeks. It had to be weeks._

He saw a figure in the distance, moving quickly. The patterns seemed familiar to him. A smile crossed his face.

_He just wanted to see Joel again. He had to see him again._

There was a baseball bat, the crack of skulls against wood, before those dark eyes locked onto him, face twisting into pain and horror, a loud gasp reaching his ears. "O-Oh God..." he said, voice stuck in his throat. "R-Ray?"

He smiled the best he could, dead white eyes staring at Joel, wobbling a little on his clumsy feet. 

"Hey... Joel..." he managed to croak out against his broken voice box.

_Ray just wanted to see Joel again._

**Author's Note:**

> [follow me on tumblr!](http://seanspooles.co.vu/)


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